Together
by casfics
Summary: Ethan and Alicia are on-off ever since the night of New Year's Eve. The only thing holding Ethan back is his brother.
1. Chapter 1

**Originally planning on doing this as a one shot - depends on how I feel and the feedback it gets. Had this idea a few months ago, only short but hope you enjoy!**

Alicia sighed and rolled on to her back, smacking a hand over her face in frustration. She was tired now but sleep wasn't coming, not to her or Ethan.

'I don't think I even breathe when we're not together,' Ethan exhaled quietly, picking up she was also awake and very much in turmoil over the situation. 'Which means that when I see you on Monday morning, it's been easily sixty hours since I've taken a breath. A proper one, anyway. That's probably why I snap at you - all I do when we're together is panic. Every second just feels so important, Alicia, and I'm so out of control I can't help myself. I'm not even mine anymore. I'm yours, and what if you decide you don't want me? How could you want me like I want you?' He sighed. She was quiet. She wanted everything he'd said to be the last thing she heard. She wanted to fall asleep with 'I want you' in her ears, as for the first time, it felt genuine, and not like any of the others. Not just someone to use, someone to fill the physical space for a bit. No more pretending, because this was Ethan. This was the truth and she couldn't run from it. She wanted to soak it all up and feel the feeling forever; of being wanted at long last. Overcome, a tear rolled down her cheek and she moved to hide it, but Ethan had glanced over at the wrong time. He sighed, his throat closing up at the sight of her tears.

He blinked as she made eye contact with him, and lay down, outstretching an arm. Without further thought, she nestled down between his arm and the pillow. She was pressed up to him so, if she paid attention, she could feel the rhythmic beating of his heart. It seemed to soothe her, and it was only a few minutes before Ethan felt her relax as her eyes fluttered closed. He was careful to exhale, a heavy yet dull ache in his chest. Not the ache of something unreciprocated, the ache for this beautiful woman, and for how he knew she felt.

After some time of prolonged thinking, he realised the material of his t-shirt was getting uncomfortably warm and sticky with damp. Alicia fidgeted a bit, picking up on his flinching. 'Shh.' He soothed gently, rubbing circles on her back the way you would an infant. It seemed to be having a similar effect, for she'd quietened a little bit enough for him to start humming softly. 'Ethan, what are you doing?' She looked up now.

'It's meant to calm you, not have the opposite effect. Though I figured it would either make you laugh or sleep, and either is better than crying.' He said, a hand still rested on her back. Her eyes crinkled as she laughed softly, and then laid her head back down. He'd stopped now, and it was silent for a few seconds.

'Come on, I want to hear the rest...' She joked, voice quietening.

'Well your wish is my command then.' He whispered, and continued quietly humming. To Ethan's surprise, as he hadn't really been keeping time, Alicia had long since fallen asleep, and was now breathing steadily and peacefully. He smiled softly, took off his glasses and switched off the lamp to his side, careful not to disturb her in the process. He had a sense that somehow things would be alright, and he wondered why he'd never realised before. Sleep weighed on his eyelids, a wave that washed over him. He relented and drifted off, Alicia still half on him and half on the empty side. He pushed all nagging thoughts of Cal out his head, just for once. She was fragile and he was doing something his brother had never yet - taking good care for reasons other than superficial lust. He was at peace with this thought, and finally switched off.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, I did another chapter because I quite like Alicia and Ethan as a couple and there aren't enough fics** **about them. I have lots of ideas though and some writing that could be used for later chapters. This is a bit of a filler and I'm not too happy with this one - I've had exams this week though so do excuse any funny wording or grammatical errors. Any advice, comments or ideas or general messages are appreciated! :-)**

Alicia awoke with a start, sitting up in the bed and then looking into the mirror, sunlight streaming through the cracks in the blind. Her face turned pale, but she breathed a semi sigh of relief when she realised it wasn't a stranger beside her. He stirred and rolled over.

'Morning.' Alicia said, quietly. He squinted with one eye.

'Time is it?' He asked. She checked her phone on the bedside table.

'Ten to eight.' She mumbled.

'Well, later than usual...' Ethan yawned, rubbing his eye.

'We didn't sleep until late, did we?' She said quietly.

'That's true. How are you feeling?' He asked. She closed her eyes gently.

'Sorry, that was silly thing to say. What I meant was-' Ethan was interrupted by Alicia.

'It's fine. It's.. fine. I'm fine. And you?' She asked.

'Yeah.' He nodded. 'I don't want things to be awkward though, as crazy a thing to say as that is.' Ethan breathed.

'Ethan, things aren't any more awkward for you than they are me. And vice versa. I feel a bit down after waking up because now we've literally got to go out into the real world where we don't exist and that messes with my head. And tonight I've got to go back to mine and your brother's home and...' She pressed a hand to her face, anguished. Ethan was patient. 'And if I see him tomorrow, I just can't.. I don't know how to say it.' She said faintly.

'I'll do it... I'll break it to him.' Ethan offered.

She gave him a look. 'You'll break yours and Cal's relationship all by yourself? Cal is all you've ever had. I don't care how you think you feel about me, Ethan... I can't be the one to lead to a rift between the pair of yous.'

'Well Alicia, you've got to choose something at some point.' He said, sympathy gone from his voice now.

'I know, alright, I know.' She sighed, burrowing her head in her hands. He chose to stay where he was and didn't go comfort her. A part of him felt bitter.

'I'll sort it. He won't be cross if I tell him, or if he is, he'll direct his anger at me and not you.' Alicia said.

'You don't know my brother. We'll do it together, how about that?' Ethan made eye contact with her now. 'Alright fine.' She nodded.

'Okay? Well let's get to work then.' He nodded briefly and she returned it.

'Cal.' Ethan jogged up to his brother who continued walking, presumably ignoring him. 'Caleb..' Ethan caught up now, out of breath. Cal turned round before reaching the hospital door, not without a slight roll of the eye at his younger brother.

'What now, kid?' He asked. Ethan tried not to wince and remembered what he was there for, as Cal, oblivious, sipped at his filter coffee.

'Look. There's something I need to tell you.' Ethan started, all too aware Alicia wasn't with him as planned. He hoped she'd understand his motive behind doing it alone.

'What is it, you alright bro?' Cal furrowed his eyebrows now at Ethan's serious expression.

'Well...' Ethan started, and Alicia came up alongside him, breath ascending in billows into the cold air.

'This isn't easy..' Ethan let out a nervous laugh. 'I'm just going to be direct, because Ethan says, there is no easy way. Ethan and I, we've... well. I thought as we were down for fun, you might not be that bothered, but I realised better tell you now than later on.' Alicia gabbled.

Cal's expression slowly changed, taking it all in. 'What?' He let out a choked reply. 'Yes, I know you didn't break up long ago, and I'm sorry...' Ethan nodded, trying not to maintain eye contact longer than absolutely necessary with his brother, but sensing he was very much staring him out. 'I'm sorry- we're sorry.' Ethan stuttered, stumbling over his words.

'This is out of character, I thought you were kidding for a second, but, a slag though she is, at least there's the decency of the truth in her.' Cal shook his head. 'Now, that's not on!' Ethan said, furiously. Alicia looked like she'd been slapped, then dashed off into the building without looking back. 'Look what you've done.' He hissed.

'Alright Nibbles, she's hardly innocent is she? She's flaunting around how much of a woman she is so she can't just run away when she hears the truth about herself.' Cal spat.

'How dare you? How dare you?! I- We... have tried to tell you nicely! How else would you have preferred to find out?' Ethan shouted.

'My own little brother. All those times I've defended you, stuck up for you, and you go and sleep with my ex. You've really outdone yourself. Well done.' Cal shoved Ethan on his way past.

Ethan's first thought was Alicia, but he caught Lily's attention and sent her to find her. It wasn't going to be straightforward, yet he didn't feel the relief he imagined he would. In fact, this felt worse. He started to doubt himself and his motives. Keeping quiet would have without doubt been better.

Lily walked into the on call room quietly. 'Alicia.' She said.

'Yeah, sorry, I'll start my shift in five, it's just I-' She started.

Lily shook her head. 'Those brothers. Nothing's ever straightforward, is it?'

'Cal called me a...' She started. Lily waited, patient as ever. 'A slag. He said.' Alicia finished eventually.

'And did anything lead up to it?' Lily questioned, folding her arms.

'Yeah. Yeah... I broke something to him.' Alicia looked at Lily anxiously. Lily paused, as if putting the pieces together.

'You and Ethan have slept together?' She sighed.

'Makes me a terrible person, doesn't it.' Alicia sighed. Lily didn't answer. 'It was more than once, it's been for a while, I just feel a complete connection with him.' Alicia looked at Lily.

'I understand that... I don't think it makes you a bad person, either. If that's of consolation to you. Dr Knight, he, fears commitment. All girls want commitment, right? And, for what it is worth, you cannot help your feelings. You broke up with him months ago, and the past is in the past.' Lily advised.

'You've got good advice Lily, you know that? Alicia smiled weakly.

'Ethan's a good guy. Feelings aside, make the right decision. Don't hold yourself back. That's what matters.' Lily reached for the box on the side and then leaned to hand her a tissue.

'Take as long as you need, you know where to find me.' Lily said, and left. It was five seconds until the sound of high heels on vinyl was no longer audible. Her face crumpled and she sobbed.


	3. Chapter 3

Ethan stepped into the on-call room, breathing out. Alicia glanced up and then looked back down. He went to set next to her on the floor.

'I did it.' He said.

'Good.' She replied, flatly.

'It'll get easier.' Ethan sighed.

'Will it? I feel like a bad person, and Cal is right, there is positively nothing more sleazy and slaggy like sleeping with both siblings.' Alicia shook her head, shivering. 'You need to change your perception of things - you are only the way you think you are.' Ethan said.

'Others won't see it through your accepting eyes though.' Alicia said, worried.

'You've been in a bad place, Alicia. Everyone does know that. It doesn't justify things, but your head has been everywhere.' Ethan tried.

'At least now the biggest problem is telling other people.' Alicia commented. 'Well Lily must know, and she'll have told Iain.' Ethan stated.

'Yeah, but other than that.' Alicia sighed. 'Iain will have told Jez, Jez perhaps told Max, Max will have told Robyn and Robyn will have told David who will have told Noel, who will have definitely told Louise-' Ethan sighed, trailing off.

'Right. Well I guess I'm screwed then.' She said lightly.

'I just mean that there's no pressure..' He reached for her hand, but she moved away from him. He moved his hands to his lap, quietly and silently accepting her rejection but recognising she still needed the company.

'It's not... it's not that I don't care, okay?' She looked at him. He nodded.

'Alicia, whether you care or not is your business, I don't hold you accountable to your feelings, or perhaps lack thereof, for me.' He nodded reassuringly.

'Well then, why are you still here?' She asked.

'Where else would I be?' He answered. She sat for a minute.

'I don't deserve you.' She said plainly. He pulled a face.

'Coffee later, I insist. We need to talk.' He said.

'Yeah, sure.' She replied.

'Starbucks round the corner, on me then.' He replied.

'I was thinking more at mine.' She replied. 'Are you-' He started.

'Ethan..' She answered, giving him an imploring look and then her eyes changed quickly.

'Please.' She said. He nodded at this. 'Yours it is then, I'll see you 7ish. Should I bring takeaway?' He asked.

'No no, I'll sort something.' She nodded. 'Okay. See you later on then.' He got up to leave.


	4. Chapter 4

**I've had a lot of free time this evening so decided to update as I've quite a bit written waiting to be published... wasn't planning on doing this much but hey ho. I also should be revising - I chose to do this instead. My priorities are BANG on. By the way, thank you if you're reading/reviewing/following, it does mean a lot. The next couple of chapters I'm writing are going to be better than the last two so do stay patient and I'll try to have them up in the next couple of days :-)**

He knocked on her door, briefly and twice. She pulled it open, curls hanging by her shoulders.

'Hey.' He smiled.

'You alright?' She smiled affectionately. 'Yes... are you?' He asked.

'Yeah... yeah I am.' She said quietly. He nodded, understanding.

'So, I may be a doctor, well, in training, but I like to fancy myself as a bit of a baker too.' Alicia smiled.

'Should I be concerned yet?' He asked.

'Er, excuse me, I'll have you know I did GCSE food tech.' Alicia smiled.

'Ten years later and not lost it?' He looked doubtfully, looking past her to inspect the bomb-site that was the kitchen.

'No. Not in the slightest.' She walked over to the oven, pulling out a conspicuous looking dish. 'See. Lasagne.' She offered. 'Smells good, I'll give you credit.' He nodded, looking with uncertainty at the strangely coloured dish bubbling away. He sat down carefully.

'How much do you want?' She asked him. 'I'm really not bothered, whatever you think...' He forced a smile, a lump rising in his throat.

He hoped he wasn't appearing as painfully awkward as he felt, but something about her spontaneous manner reassured him. She gave him some and sat opposite, pouring prosecco into both glasses.

'I wasn't sure if you were going to cook, or just do nibbles. I feel bad because I would've easily brought takeaway.' Ethan explained as he cut the pasta up.

'I had stuff in already. And anyway. You can experience one of my many talents firsthand, hey?' She said.

'True, you don't get this sense of homemade food with takeaway dinners.' Ethan agreed.

'I was also joking.' She laughed as she sipped the prosecco.

'Ah.' Ethan said shortly, laughing.

'If I poisoned this though, you'd probably still say it was lovely.' Alicia laughed, ignoring the fact that the bubbles were beginning to make her head go fuzzy.

'Is that a bad thing?' He winced.

'No. Manners and appreciation, they are priceless qualities.' Alicia advised him. He nodded now.

'To... to being happy.' Alicia raised her glass. 'Yeah.' Ethan clinked his and sipped.

'The Visit...' Alicia flicked through the channels quickly.

'Horrors aren't really my thing...' Ethan replied.

'Ah, found the chink in your armour.' Alicia giggled. He smiled now.

'Go on, it'll be good.' She wheedled. He raised his eyebrows and sighed. She just beamed, loving the fact she could get her own way so easily. She knew she had him wrapped around her little finger.

'What's it to be?' She asked.

'Fine. But if I have nightmares...' He said. Alicia ignored this comment and clicked play.

'I'll be.. one minute.' Alicia told him, leaping up and taking tiny fast footsteps to the bathroom. They were almost at the end of the film, and Ethan had endured it all on the knowing she was content. He winced as he heard her being sick, but felt a wave of nausea hit him at the same time.

She eventually opened the door, looking slightly more dishevelled then she had ten minutes before. 'Is it the alcohol, or is it my cooking?' She pulled a face, pale still.

'The film's nearly through anyway.' He knocked it off quietly.

'How about a bath?' He asked her.

'Have you showered?' Alicia asked.

'Yes, after my shift, before I came.' He said.

'And have you brought spare clothes?' She asked.

'I always carry spares.' He smiled knowingly at her. 'If you're ill though..' Ethan started tentatively. 'I'm not bothered, but you would need rest..' He said.

'How do you know I haven't got innocent ideas in my mind?' She asked, scrubbing at her makeup with a wipe. 'Couldn't possibly tell you.' He gave a small smile, and helped her clean the bathroom.


	5. Chapter 5

'Sorry this isn't the romantic evening that I had planned..' Alicia said, apologetic.

'Not at all. But maybe stick to medicine...' He smiled.

'Oi, I was trying.' She protested.

'I know, and I enjoyed it.' He said.

'Worst liar ever.' She elbowed him playfully, but he skilfully tickled her back till she squealed, then he stopped without warning.

'How did you know to do that?' She asked, as he lay there smug.

'Let's just say, if you weren't ill right now, you'd be getting more of where that came from.' He said cheekily.

'Not like you to makes threats Ethan. I like the bad side of you. And besides, I'm not an invalid, but I guess whatever the doctor says goes.' She twiddled her dressing gown cord, effortlessly flirtatious.

'It does indeed.' He replied, worn out by all the interaction. 'And now I say sleep.' Ethan yawned, as Alicia settled against the same cotton she had the night before, in her dressing gown. 'Also, this isn't staying if we're like this.' He tugged at the dressing gown collar.

'What?' Alicia's eyes twinkled with mischief.

'No, not like that! I got so sticky and uncomfortable last night..' Ethan explained.

'I thought for a second you might be about to imply something naughty, Ethan.' She smiled.

'Definitely not, I don't do naughty.' He raised his eyebrows.

'Is this the same Ethan that I was with last night, or...?'

'Oh classic! Look, I'll have another spare top in my bag, let me reach.' He stretched down and pulled it out, allowing her to put it on. 'Better.' He said, as she settled back down.

'How are you feeling now?' He asked. 'Cosy.' She replied, sleepily.

'Not sick then? No headache, vertigo, light headedness?' He asked.

'No. I'll let you know if my vision gets blurry or I have any weird rashes, or green spots or something, but I don't think I'm exactly ignorant to food poisoning. Plus, I'm in good hands here.' She sighed.

'Funny lullaby?' She looked up now.

'Fine.' He rolled his eyes and twiddled with strands of hair as she fell quiet and her breathing steadied.

Alicia's yells pulled Ethan out his slumber and he sat up with a start. The first thing Ethan noticed was the temperature of the room. Excessively warm. He cursed himself silently, remembering they'd forgotten to knock off the automatic timer that was still preset from the cooler months. She tossed and turned, wrestling with the covers.

'Hey, Alicia..' Ethan nudged her quietly. She blinked in the darkness, eyes opening and tears falling down her cheeks. 'Alright, sweetheart, you've just had a bad dream.'

Comforting words tumbled out his mouth in a torrent, all without conscious thought. She didn't reply to him, but he could tell she was awake.

He shifted his weight awkwardly and flicked on the lamp, to which she squinted at. 'Sorry, it's a bit bright.' He said.

'Sorry for waking you.' She said, finally. 'Not at all, I.. I'm an insomniac anyway, after all.' He replied, collecting the tears with a thumb.

'You were asleep though.' Alicia sighed, dabbing at her face with the sleeve of the oversized top she was wearing.

'Yes. But it doesn't matter.' He responded with only the tiniest hint of impatience.

'I went through a phase, if you like, of nightmares. Maybe three or four years ago when I was doing my F1 year. It was stressful, I mean, a junior doctor in emergency medicine. You know yourself what that entails. So, my conclusion was that they were down to stress. They feel real, don't they? No matter how old you get.' He said. Alicia nodded.

'Glad someone gets it. They feel so real..' She looked up at the ceiling.

'Want a cup of tea?' He asked.

'I'd rather just rest if it's all the same with you - thank you though.' She nodded. He nodded too, matching her actions subconsciously.

'You needn't worry.' He gave her a reassuring look.

'Well, Nibbles fights off all the bad guys.' She smiled.

'That, I can proclaim to.' He chuckled.'

'Night night.' She whispered, but he could hear the smile in her voice.

'Night.'


	6. Chapter 6

Ethan woke up with a start, his brain jolting him awake. He wriggled his toes, feeling the cotton of the bedsheets scrunch by his feet. He thought for a while. It was the first time he'd woken up with minimal cares about anything; the feeling was somewhat liberating.

He didn't open his eyes. There was no rush, and it was nice to not owe anything to the world. While ever he stayed horizontal, he had no responsibilities, nothing expected of him. He could relish in the fact that he'd had a seamless day yesterday that carried through into the following morning. Peaceful and quiet - the roar of morning traffic was subsiding, and all that could be heard was the chorus of birds outside. Ethan loved the fact that things finally felt simple, normal. A feeling that was usually alien to him, yet he got the pleasure of experiencing it, and all at the side of Alicia.

He didn't want to wake her. Nagging worries began to creep into his mind before long. What if she'd gone out? What if she left? Ethan kept his eyes tight shut on purpose. He sensed that if he proved himself right, he would be cruelly wrenched out of his mood that he'd waited so long to feel. He bit the bullet, turning on to his side. He opened his eyes at once. Alicia was gone.

The bed space at the side of him empty and cold. The crisp white sheets looked almost untouched, and it seemed oddly alarming. He sat up quickly, the familiar feeling of dread engulfing him. It wouldn't be unlike Alicia to run. She was conflicted. Ethan felt sick. No warning, no nothing. He checked his phone, and sure enough, there was no text or missed call or voicemail or anything to indicate she was just popping out for milk.

He clambered out of bed, stumbling towards the wardrobe. He threw on a shirt and trousers, not bothering with a tie. He paused before reaching the door. Various clattering noises could be heard from the kitchen. Ethan exhaled, for he knew his worries had been for nothing.

He pushed it open tentatively and the aroma of bacon and breakfast hit him instantly. The vision in front of him was, he had to admit, very cute, and there was no sight he would've preferred to wake up to. He assumed the worst, and although he hated to admit to himself he was wrong, he knew full well he would rather declare all his previous mistakes in front of everyone than be right in his belief she had vanished.

He stood, taking it in for a while as she worked away, singing, and she spun around, catching him off guard. 'Ah. Morning, is that?' Alicia quizzed, smiling. Her hair was tied back in a messy bun and she was still wearing Ethan's top.

'Oh. Uh, sorry. Yes. Good morning... I see you're cooking?' He asked.

'I am indeed, if you're hungry?' She asked. 'You know the way to a man's heart...' He nodded, with a smile.

'I do try. Let's hope I'm not addling it with germs.'

'I can always take over.' He gave her a wink now.

'Sleep well?' She asked him.

'Surprisingly, yeah. Feel well rested. Though I woke up this morning and I thought...' He broke off. She left it a while, tending to the pans.

'Thought what?' Alicia asked, turning round and meeting him with a confused expression.

'Well, I thought when you weren't next to me, you might have freaked out and left.' He said. Her facial expression changed. She opened her mouth to speak, yet no words came out. She tried again.

'No.. Ethan. I woke up and.. well, we were exactly in the same position. Just like we were last night, when you'd pulled me in after I was scared. We hadn't even moved. In actual fact, I didn't really want to move even then. I thought I might maybe disrupt you, besides, it was a nice feeling. I got up anyway to make breakfast. As a surprise. And a nice gesture.' He detected an inflection of frostiness in her tone.

'No, Alicia, I just meant-' He tried.

'I know what you meant. You thought I'd have left to work without a further word. You thought I freaked, changed my mind, or regretted things from the second my eyes opened.' She sighed.

'I just didn't know how you felt.' Ethan admitted.

'Yeah? And that makes two of us.' She shook her head, snapping now.

'Breakfast is ready anyway, here you go.' She practically threw the plates on the table. He sat down quietly.

'Thank you... that was lovely.' He took his plate to the sink, clearing it up carefully. 'Leave it, I'll sort it.' She muttered. He ignored her, scrubbing at it.

'I said I'll do it, don't you need to be getting off anyway?'

He looked at her and let out a short laugh. 'Right, I see. Okay.' He nodded, practically throwing the flannel at the sink.

'I need to clean up anyway, that was all Ethan!' She said, defensively.

'But I'm not like that! Why should you have to do it all? It's clear you probably want to though, so I'll go get my stuff and walk out, and leave like I never even was here.' He said, angry now.

'You know I'd be telling people if it wouldn't jeopardise everything!' Her voice was a mix of rage and upset.

'Maybe I don't care? Maybe I just want someone to acknowledge this thing we've got going on, because it's quite clearly something Alicia, now isn't it?'

He shouted. Tears welled in her eyes. 'Maybe I don't know what to do! Maybe I'm scared, Ethan - and hurt from your assumptions! Maybe not rightly so, maybe you did expect me to leave given the circumstances. But that's so not me! You go about thinking you've got these unrequited feelings and it's so not true! I don't know how to express it enough!' She cried.

'It feels like I'm living in this pretend world right now but these are certainly not pretend feelings! I was worried when I thought for a single second you'd gone. A whole manner of potentials ran through my head. What if you freaked out? What if you were upset?' Ethan protested.

'Instead I got up to do something nice.' She snapped.

'Yeah. You did. Forgive me for worrying though hey? All things considered.' He glared.

'Yes but I'm not held accountable to you Ethan, I'm my own person! When you're so clingy, it makes me want to resist!' She said, voice catching.

'Forgive me, this is what caring looks like, I know it's something you've never experienced before properly in a relationship.' He responded, voice heavy. She paled as if she'd been slapped, on the verge of real tears. Her expression hardened suddenly, as the effect of his words took hold. He stood, statue-like, staring her out. The clock ticked in the background, so noticeably audible due to the lack of interaction between the pair. Alicia felt the urge to laugh and cry and scream at him, and without knowing who instigated it, their lips crashed together. She took intakes of breath interspersed, while he seemed to breathe from her. He feverishly pulled her face against his, intensifying everything once more. She couldn't help but gasp a couple of times and clung on tightly to his shirt material, fingers scrabbling, his and hers, frantically at buttons. He tugged his arms out of the shirt and focused back on her, desperation at its all time peak.

 **This was really difficult to write and isn't my best because I've been super busy, so sorry all! Dramatic chapter! How will they go on from here?**


	7. Chapter 7

His breathing returned to normal as he lay on his back. The material beneath him felt odd and scratchy. He gulped. The sofa. Embarrassing, all things considered. Alicia was cuddled against his chest, and he thought about speaking, but decided to leave it. He felt an overpowering sense of guilt wash through him. This fragile being had surrendered herself to him despite everything, and he'd taken absolute advantage of that. He hated the way he'd made love to her with such an absence of gentleness - he hated himself for how he was in that moment. He glanced at her, and moved a hand to rub her back.

She laid on her side, thoughts racing through her head. She tried desperately to push the thoughts of the last half hour out her head, but to no avail. Events were replaying all over again, plaguing her brain. She felt herself blush at the mere awkwardness of it all. It hadn't even been good, but it would have been wrong to say it was bad. It had just been different. Most of all, she felt rocked by how out of character Ethan had become. She felt a pain sear through her head, culminating by her temples. Oddly, it appeared as if Ethan was in tune with her, as he started to rub her back, almost as if he could read her thoughts. Too preoccupied mentally, she didn't really pay this consideration. Her feelings of sadness had largely ebbed away, but nevertheless, she realised if she'd ever felt sick, the feeling had never ever compared to how she felt in that moment. She wanted to throw up and she wanted to run more than ever before. What if it was goodbye sex? They both knew it was such a tentative thing to even attempt to be together - what if it fell to pieces? What if it was in pieces to start with?

'Alicia.' He said, after what felt like forever but probably only constituted several minutes. His breath was ragged. She chose to stay silent. He tucked a strand of her hair back as it fell in her face and sighed. 'You don't deserve the type of man I was with you just then... if you want me to go, just say the word.' He said quietly. He felt drops of water land near his shoulder and he sighed. 'Alicia, darling...' He tried.

'I... I'm so confused...' She finally mumbled, her voice delicate and catching in her throat. She sounded lost, and so Ethan closed his eyes, hurt.

She was quiet for a moment, pensive. Ethan instantly felt off; Alicia was quiet for few reasons. Either she was angry or taking everything in. He presumed the latter, though it was never a good thing.

'I wish things could be easy.' She murmured finally.

'Yes.' Ethan agreed.

'I don't know whether to run to you or run from you half the time.' Her voice wobbled now and he immediately understood. 'Ohh...' He breathed, a soft exhalation of painful understanding.

'And you don't deserve this either. All this doesn't make you a bad guy, Ethan.' She tilted her chin to look at him now.

Words failed Ethan. He felt like a bad guy. The worst one, in fact. What sort of guy insults a girl and then takes her to bed, and then somehow manages to receive her pity? They both fell quiet to the pitter patter of raindrops on the window.

They'd been lying on the sofa for a long while, in complete silence. Both had clearly been thinking, and neither had wanted or felt able to speak out. She turned her head back round to bury her face into his chest: he said nothing, understanding it was a comfort thing for her. Alicia wanted to be loved, like anyone else does. He knew how important it was for her and besides, he had nowhere else he would be. The feelings of guilt and love fought with one another to surface. Ethan had to get up and work, he knew, in less than an hour's time. Alicia was starting work just short of an hour after he was. Alicia's flat was a 5 minute walk away from the hospital though, and he had no qualms over being there on time - if he started to make a move. He prompted her, by clearing his throat twice. She shuffled a bit more, in acknowledgement of this.

'Let's just go to work.' She sat up, eventually, rubbing at her face. 'By the way...' She leaned over, trying to avoid smirking and failing miserably.

She smoothed Ethan's hair down to his head and brushed a hand through it, styling it. 'Wicked bedhead you've got going on. Again. Your hair has a mind of its own.' She joked. He nodded, with a slight smile in return. 'I.. I'm going to get ready.' Ethan gave a jerky nod of the head as he gestured to the bathroom. 'Yeah. Okay.' She said, softly.

Alicia felt the tension slice the air like a knife, even though Ethan said things with a smile, she couldn't help but let out a despairing sigh to herself. They were something yet they'd never held hands, gone shopping together, gone to the cinema, or anything that couples were meant to do. Fundamentally because they weren't a couple. Well, were, in every way but the most official one.

Ethan came alongside her to brush his teeth, and they did so quietly. She glanced at him at the wrong moment, and he glanced back. She swooped her eyes away, her cheeks tinging pink with embarrassment Alicia didn't normally feel.

'A-e-sa...' Ethan said, through a mouthful of toothpaste. She smirked.

'Mm?' She responded, making a much more dignified noise in response than the one Ethan had just done. He spat nearly into the sink, and rearranged the toothbrushes in the pot.

'You know when you looked at me just then...' He said.

'No, I don't recall.' She avoided his eyes and it was his turn to chuckle.

'Were you by any chance marvelling at my good looks, or do I just make a spectacular show of brushing my teeth in an odd way?' He asked.

'Something like that.' She smiled, not really replying to either statement. His attempt at lightening the mood and atmosphere was poor, at best. She let it slide with comment, as he was trying, and things felt awkward enough. He inhaled deeply and sighed, seriousness etched into his expression now. He looked at her, and she made eye contact back.

'Time for work it is.' He mumbled, finally. 'Yes, Dr Hardy. Time for work.' She breathed through pursed lips the way he remembered she did when she'd had a panic attack in the cave.

'All you have to do is breathe.' He said quietly. They exchanged a knowing look and he left to collect his belongings.

 **There will be other characters who feature in the next chapter. Thanks to everyone who's following this and for the lovely reviews, they're much appreciated :-)**


	8. Chapter 8

As Alicia arrived at work, Louise was instantly there to greet her.

'Hey Lish, you're early.' She acknowledged, smiling.

'Yeah, well. Thought being Saturday, the ED might be busy. Am I right or am I right?' She gave an exasperated sigh as Iain and Jez wheeled in a patient with severe burns.

'I best go change.' Alicia told Louise.

'Looks like Lily and Elle have beaten you to that one.' Louise sighed, and sure enough, the team had already pounced on the next patient. 'Anyway. Why are you so eager? Are you alright?' Louise looked at Alicia now, doubt in her eyes.

'Yeah, I'm fine. Honestly.' Alicia rubbed her face.

'Nothing you wanna talk about?' Louise asked. Alicia just shook her head once, but tears were already in her eyes. 'Staffroom, now. You're going to tell me what's happened with you.' Louise said, ushering her along.

'I can't really say, Louise.' Alicia just shook her head.

'A guy, clearly?' Louise hit the nail on the head.

'Yeah. No. Yeah.' Alicia looked down.

'Cal again? Don't tell me you're getting involved with that fool. Alicia, that's a bad decision. He's not good for you, and-' Louise started to gush.

'It's not Cal..' Alicia looked pained.

'Then who?' Louise looked genuinely puzzled. Alicia looked to the floor once more, feeling awful.

'It's his brother.' She told her.

'Wait, Ethan? No way!'

'Yes way, keep your voice down. We've been seeing each other a while, but not properly. We can't seem to see eye to eye.' Alicia explained, while Louise crossed her legs and listened. 'We had a row this morning - a bad one. What's worse is, we had angry sex, and I'm not sure if it was his way of saying goodbye.' She started to cry now.

'Oh, Alicia, babe.' Louise shook her head, taking it in. 'Have you spoken since?' She asked. 'In a really awkward way, yeah. We just laid on the sofa for ages and ages. It felt so uncomfortable.' Alicia admitted.

'Well, did he say anything to you which made you think it was "the end" of whatever you've had going on?'

'No. He rubbed my back a bit...' Alicia sighed.

'That sounds like his way of saying sorry.' Louise nodded.

'For what?'

'For the argument, for what he said, for how you both treated each other? Honestly Alicia, you don't need me to spell it out.' Louise shook her head now, impatient.

'Sorry, I just can't see it when I'm so absorbed in it.' Alicia apologised.

'No, it's fine. Look. You need to speak to him babe, before too much time passes by. Promise me you will.' Louise looked anxious.

'Yeah. Thanks Louise.'

'Honestly. You can't lose him, he's a sweetheart and he thinks the world of you, it's evident. Okay?'

'Coffee break?' Alicia raised an eyebrow at him.

'Sure. On me.' Ethan said quietly. They both went outside, and after buying coffees, sat on the roof area.

'If you could go, anywhere in the world... where?' Alicia asked.

'That's a question.' Ethan sipped his coffee.

'Falmouth.' He said, finally.

'As in, Cornwall?' Alicia asked. He nodded. 'Only you.' She sighed, feeling the liquid burn her throat.

'I'd go Ibiza, or Barbados.' She said.

'Of course you would.' Ethan smiled now. 'But third to all that, I'd probably go to Scotland. You didn't expect that, did you?' She asked.

'No. Although the first two, I got.'

'Hm. Am I that easily readable?' She frowned.

'It's true though, isn't it?'

'Yeah. Polar opposites, me and you.' She sat, thoughtfully for a moment.

'One day, Alicia..' Ethan mumbled. She glanced at him when he failed to finish his sentence. 'We'll go to Falmouth. And Scotland.' He said.

'Not on the same day, though?' She looked at him.

'Yeah. It'd be nice to do a "road-trip" or whatever they're calling it these days.' He smiled faintly, picturing the scene.

'I'm free this weekend.' Alicia smiled.

'I'm not on shift either, but... I meant one day?' He asked, confused.

'And... I could get run over by a bus tomorrow?' She questioned his thinking. 'Alicia..' He winced, hating it when she came out with such brash comments.

'But I could. And then we'd have never done this. There is no time like the present, Dr Hardy.' She nodded.

'If you say you're up to it, I'll get myself onto your car insurance for a few days. Can split the driving, and the fuel costs.' She smiled.

'Oh Alicia, I'm really not-' He started to protest.

'Alright.' She walked off to the bin, without a backward acknowledgement.

'Falmouth here we come.' He muttered under his breath. She looked up and smiled, this accentuating her dimples and making her eyes shine. He couldn't help but think how much he loved her, as he realised just maybe this was worth it. He also didn't feel as if he had much of a choice in light of the morning they'd had. A trip away might be nice, as well. Even if it wasn't, he wasn't doing anything else. And they had to try and mend things. The sooner the better, surely.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you for the nice comments and for those of you who are following! Sorry for the massive delay in updates. I'll try to update about twice a week or so but I'm really busy, and focusing more on my other story (Let Me In). That feels like it's going better than this one, so if you like my writing, I update that one quite a lot. I'm thinking of writing some one-shots soon about Alicia and Ethan, and Lily and Iain too.**

She smiled contently as he drove along. 'What's up with you?' He asked, glancing over at her at the traffic lights.

'Absolutely nothing. At all.' She smiled more. It was quite a warm day, and it seemed there was nothing to not smile about.

'If I'd known it would only take this to lead to you being so happy-' Ethan stopped, mid-sentence.

'So... what are we?' She asked. The words tasted stale as soon as they'd passed her lips, and she dared to exhale slightly, annoyed with herself for ruining the 10 minutes of innocent, unfiltered happiness. Why did she have to mess with it? Ethan gave a small cough, and focused on the road, both hands on the steering wheel. A careful driver, not about to be disturbed by something that, actually, had the potential to disturb him quite a lot. 'Doing today?' She attempted to save it. Ethan visibly cringed.

'That was a good save, wasn't it?' Her voice was now quiet. He just gave a nod. 'I'm not certain we ought to be defined by a title.' He said. She was taken aback, for this was most unlike traditionalist Ethan. 'Society places too much store on it. But I'd probably like to be, and as would you, one way or the other. This middle stage, are we aren't we isn't all it's cracked up to be, is it?' He said, with a small sigh.

'No, not at all.' She said quietly.

'So, how about we have this conversation again after our little excursion?' He offered. She gave a nod. 'We're best not talking about it until late at night. It doesn't feel right, while I'm awake... in a shirt.' He laughed. She laughed in response, probably too much all things considered. 'Anyway, come on. I have one CD in this car. Cal stole all the rest. 2008 Now That's What I Call Girl Power.' He informed her.

'Oh?' She quizzed, smiling. She inserted it into the disc player and he smiled.

'I'll warn you, I know all the words. I'm Rihanna's biggest fan now.' He said.

'Go on then, sing-off on the cards?' She said.

'I'll win.' He said, with conviction

'We'll soon see..' She laughed, and Ethan smiled.

'Alicia, stop the car.' Ethan laughed lightly. 'What?' She turned around to look at him. He lowered the volume of the speakers. 'We're here, look.' He said, pointing out the sea.

'Ahh! I actually drove here. Sorted.' She smiled. 'Well, the last ten minutes of it.' She corrected herself.

They parked and got out the car, the seaside air hitting them instantly. It started to drizzle, spot by spot.

'Aww..' Ethan looked up.

'Never mind.' Alicia shrugged.

'Where first?' She turned to him.

'I would've said the beach, but-' He turned to look at the drizzle land on the greying sand, which was covered in discarded rubbish and litter. It didn't look great. It wasn't what he'd imagined.

'Come on then.' She smiled. He smiled and they went down to the beach.

'I'll race you to the sea.' Alicia offered.

'I'll win.' He replied.

'Nah-ah.'

She set off running and he followed her, not giving her an advantage, despite Alicia being smaller than him. She got there first, just as the tide swept in. She squealed as it swept her back out, soaked up to the knees. Ethan stood, hand on mouth. A gust of wind blew and she tumbled back into the water again. Ethan couldn't suppress a laugh this time.

'Goodness. Are you okay?' He asked, finally wiping the specs of water from his glasses lens. Before she could answer, the tide came out, and got Ethan up to the ankles too. It took him aback, and he fell to a crouching position, wetting the entire back of his legs. He shivered now, as Alicia pulled herself out the water, helping Ethan up. Families nearby were laughing at them. 'Remind me why Falmouth is such a wonderland?' Alicia rolled her eyes now, trying to maintain a level temperament despite the situation.

'I didn't insist on the beach first.' He shrugged his shoulders, with a small smile.

'Well, if we're doing the blame game, I well and truly win as the most blamed. Though I'm not so sure either of us is a winner right now, whichever way you look at things.' She inspected the state of them both. Wet clothes were plastered against them, the chilly April wind blowing them colder. 'Should we just come back later?' He offered.

'Well, we're here now.' She said.

'Yes, yes we are. But it's awfully cold. And you're even more soaked than me.' He argued.

'Exactly. So stop complaining.' She smiled back. 'I want to draw in the sand.'

Ethan tried not to lose patience.

'It's less than ten degrees, Alicia, we can do all this later today.' He persuaded. All the while he was talking, her eyes lowered and began to scan the sand for a stick to draw with. Ethan shook his head now with a laugh.

'Alicia! We can just come back. Come on.' He nagged now.

'You go back to the car, I'll join you up there.' She said. Ethan was in two minds. He wanted to stay with her, of course he did, but he was also increasingly aware of the wind biting at his face and legs in particular. He didn't know how she was tolerating it.

'Fine. I'll be at the car.' He said, finally, and jogged off in the direction of where they'd parked.

She trailed back up, soggy and bedraggled by the wind. He leaned and opened the car door for her.

'You quite finished?' He asked with a smirk. She had childlike tendencies that bordered very much on child _ish_. She just smiled, and showed him her phone. The grainy picture showed the drawing in the sand, their names circled with a love heart. Ethan just looked at the phone. How was he even supposed to react to that? He wasn't some 12 year old. They weren't a couple.

'Ah.. cute.' He settled for, waving his hands, at a loss for words.

'Where next, Nibbles?' She smiled, none the wiser.

'I was thinking the pub, ten minutes up the road. You know as it's raining? I've been on tripdvisor and the reviews are really good for food too. Fitting as it's lunchtime and all.' He checked his watch.

'Okay.' Alicia nodded, and Ethan began to drive.


End file.
